


This Text Chat Group Will End Us All: Part III

by Cutthroat In Carolina (Illmerica), Illmerica



Series: I Can't Believe It's Not! another textchat series [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, No Spoilers, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illmerica/pseuds/Cutthroat%20In%20Carolina, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illmerica/pseuds/Illmerica
Summary: AMarySue:i cant believe thisAMarySue:ive been pestered forweeksabout my talent and when i finally reveal it no one cares?? wtf you guysdabs ex machina:well i care about your totally fake talent amami-chanfemmefatal:Tenko thinks he meant someone who mattersdabs ex machina:hush little lesbian the real gays are talkingfemmefatal:BITCH YOU WANNA GO





	This Text Chat Group Will End Us All: Part III

**Author's Note:**

> Kaede Akamatsu — Baethoven  
> Rantaro Amami — AMarySue  
> Tenko Chabashira — femmefatal  
> Gonta Gokuhara — Gonta  
> Maki Harukawa — tsundon't  
> Ryoma Hoshi — Just (Stop)  
> Kiibo Idabashi — K11-B0  
> Miu Iruma — Wine Aunt™  
> Kaito Momota — spacejam  
> Kokichi Ouma — dabs ex machina  
> Shuichi Saihara — panic!everyday  
> Tsumugi Shirogane — rosemary  
> Korekiyo Shinguuji — slenderman  
> Kirumi Toujou — Maid to Serve  
> Angie Yonaga — ✨angel✨  
> Himiko Yumeno — naibsel
> 
> **Reading the other parts of this series isn't necessarily needed to read this one, but you'll probably want to fully understand context and also read some Good Crack Shit™.

**spacejam:** so i was thinking

 **slenderman:** That's new.

 **spacejam:** weve been here at hopes peak for like almost two months and we still don't know amamis talent yet

 **spacejam:** isn't that,,, weird??

 

 **_davekat_ ** _changed their username to_ **_rosemary._**

 

 **rosemary:** Well, I guess it's weird enough for you to ask us that at 4AM. You realize most people are asleep right now, right?

 **spacejam:** are you going to do that every time

 **rosemary:** I like to keep things fresh

 **rosemary:** Plus I'm still in a HS mood. RoseMary was the obvious next choice, _especially_ since I just reached their date in Act 6 Intermission 3 again

 **rosemary:** What about you, Momota? Why are you still up?

 **spacejam:** uhhh no reason no reason at all

 **spacejam:** guess i uh. couldnt sleep?

 **slenderman:** You sound uncertain. Are you perhaps embarrassed as to your true reason, which is why you've clumsily decided to hide it from us?

 **spacejam:** no im not so shut up

 **K11-B0:** SH1R0G4N3-S4N H4S 4 P01NT M0M0T4-KUN!

 **spacejam:** ITS BACK _FUCK_

 **K11-B0:** 1T 1S V3RY L4T3! Y0U SH0ULD 4LL B3 4SL33P R1GHT N0W.

 **slenderman:** I must point out that you are also awake, Kiibo-kun.

 **K11-B0:** TH4T M4Y B3 TRU3, BUT 1 D0 N0T N33D SL33P 4S HUM4NS D0! 1NST43D 1 R3CH4RG3 TW1C3 34CH W33K, TH0UGH TH3 PR0F3SS0R H4S B33N W0RK1NG T0 L0W3R TH4T T0 0NC3 A W33K F0R T0P 3FF1C13NCY!

 **spacejam:** yeah yeah kiibo beep bop beep we get it

 **rosemary:** Please tell me that I'm not going to have to watch you complain about Kiibo’s typing malfunction for another hour

 **naibsel:** ...yeah...

 **K11-B0:** YUM3N0-S4N?? Y0U’R3 4W4K3 4S W3LL?

 **naibsel:**...my magic lets me operate without sleep for days...

 **rosemary:** Really?

 **naibsel:** ...also...i may have watched a scary movie and didn’t want to wake up tenko...

 **naibsel:** ...for plot convenience...i guess...

 **spacejam:** plot what now

 **slenderman:** Ah, it seems we are in the same boat at the moment, Yumeno-san. Although this one is far more fascinating than terrifying.

 **slenderman:** After all, movies have come to be one of humanity’s greatest art forms to date. The potential storytelling with a visual aid can, at times, surpass that of even written or oral tales.

 **slenderman:** And the characters never know that you’re there, which makes it all the better.

 **spacejam:** i dont know how but you just made movies creepy so thanks for that

 **rosemary:** What are you watching, Shinguuji? I never took you as the type to stay up all night watching movies for fun

 **slenderman:** It's not as if I'm alone. Yonaga-san invited me over to watch one with her.

 **spacejam:** with?? her???

 **naibsel:** ...hm...

 **✨angel✨:** YES and angie would APPRECIATE if everyone stopped DISTRACTING shinguuji from the movie!! THIS IS THE BEST PART

 **slenderman:** Ah yes, the climax of Princess Mononoke. The battle between Lady Eboshi’s forces, and the Wolf Goddess Moro and Han has such high stakes to each character involved, all of which have been artfully built throughout course of the movie. Truly one of Studio Ghibli’s best works.

 **rosemary:** You’re watching STUDIO GHIBLI??

 **spacejam:** uhm yeah no i think the bigger question is ‘you’re watching Studio Ghibli TOGETHER??’

 **slenderman:** Well of course. Yonaga-san invites me to her dorm almost once each week to watch a film with her.

 **naibsel:** ...hmm...

 **K11-B0:** 1S 1T PR0P3R T0 H4V3 TW0 T33N4G3RS 0F TH3 0PP0S1T3 S3X T0G3TH3R 4L0N3 1N 4 D0RM 4T N1GHT? 1 M34N, 1T’S P0SS1BL3 TH4T C0ULD L34D T0 S0M3 UNS4V0RY 4CT1V1T13S, C0RR3CT?

 **K11-B0:** 4T L34ST TH4TS WH4T 4LL TH3 M0V13S S33M T0 1NS1ST H4PP3NS

 **✨angel✨:** angie doesn't like what kiibot is insinuating about her  >:3 >:3 >:3

 **slenderman:** Yes, it is quite rude to assume on other’s behalfs.

 **slenderman:** Not before hours upon hours of careful observation on their habits, at least.

 **K11-B0:** 4H! 1’M V3RY S0RRY, 4NG13-S4N AND SH1NGUUJ1-KUN! 1 D1DN’T M34N T0 B3 RUD3!

 **rosemary:** That aside, I’m more curious about why the two of you even started having movie nights together

 **slenderman:** Well you see, at the start of this year when I first learned of Yonaga-san’s devoutness, I decided to request an interview with her on her beliefs for research purposes. We ended up having what might be the most wonderfully fascinating conversation I’ve shared with another in years!

 **slenderman:** Afterwards, we decided to continue discussing our mutual interest in folklore and spirituality together. Yonaga-san suggested movies, though more specifically those that involved ghosts, spirits, or Gods of our native cultures.

 **slenderman:** We have already covered several horror movies, and decided it was time to watch something more uplifting. Princess Mononoke, although decently old, is full of interesting narrative exploration of the inner drives of the human race to cultivate their own technological potential in the face of their spiritual past, and comments smartly on the connection between the seemingly inexpiable natural realm and man-made technological realm. Truly a beautiful piece of art!

 **slenderman:** Also, Yonaga-san claims I am a good cuddler.

 **✨angel✨:** SOMETIMES ANGIE JUST NEEDS A QUIET SHOULDER TO CRY OUT HER WOES ON OKAY???

 **naibsel:** ...i ship it...

 **spacejam:** YUMENO WHAT THE HELL

 **rosemary:** I mean, I, I had never considered it before, but _now_...

 **K11-B0:** SH1PP1NG? 1’M 4FR41D 1 MUST N0T B3 F4M1L14R W1TH TH1S W0RD.

 **K11-B0:** 4LL 0F MY S34RCH3S 4R3 BR1NG1NG UP URB4N D1CT10N4RY D3F1N1T10NS 4ND TUMBLR, 4ND 4K4M4TSU-S4N T0LD M3 T0 4V01D TH0S3 S1T3S 4T 4LL C0STS

 **rosemary:** Oh, don’t worry your little robotic head about that right now, Kiibo! I can teach you all about the wonderful world of fandoms later!

 **K11-B0:** 1 W0ULD GR34TLY 4PPR1C14T3 TH4T SH1R0G4N3-S4N!!

 **spacejam:** uh shirogane?? im pretty sure that akamatsu would kick your ass if you corrupted keebs like that

 **spacejam:** or have chabashira do it

 **spacejam:** we all know chabashira is always up to kick some ass

 **naibsel:** ...she is...

 **naibsel:** ...its...pretty hot...

 **spacejam:** NOT WHEN SHES THERE TO KICK _YOUR_ ASS IT ISN'T

 **slenderman:** Then perhaps you shouldn’t do so many things that would encourage her to, as you said, kick your ass.

 **rosemary:** You do kind of ask for it. If I was athletically capable I’m pretty sure I would’ve at least _tried_ to kick your ass. And Ouma’s too, but I think he’s just sort of implied at this point

 **slenderman:** Well of course.

 **spacejam:** ANYWAY remember that time i mentioned amamis talent

 **spacejam:** lets get back to that

 **naibsel:** ...why do you even care...

 **✨angel✨:** actually angie is a little curious about it herself!! she’s asked Kami-sama a BUNCH but he refuses to enlighten her!!

 **spacejam:** well doesnt shinguuji stalk everyone like a creeper??

 **slenderman:** No, but continue.

 **spacejam:** i was thinkin that after all that time he spends in our vents or whatever he wouldve figured it out

 **spacejam:** right?? i mean thats what anthropology is

 **rosemary:** I don’t think so?

 **slenderman:** As incredibly tempted as I am to correct you and teach you what actual anthropology is and how it is implemented in real world ethnographic research, my observations of you so far have led me to conclude that you lack the intellectual complexity to understand even the simplest aspects of my highly professional field. Knowing this, I think I’ll save myself the trouble and say that no, you’re just outright wrong.

 **spacejam:** um what

 **slenderman:** My point exactly.

 **naibsel:** ...i think you might need some ice momota...

 **naibsel:** ...for that severe burn...

 **rosemary:** Wouldn’t Saihara be a better person to ask than Shinguuji, anyway? He _is_ the detective, after all

 **✨angel✨:** mmmm,, angie _guesses_ that he’s technically the shsl detective

 **✨angel✨:** but he’s also a wimpy wimp emo so!! there’s that too! :3

 **spacejam:** well saihara is a detective but he isnt that kind of detective

 **spacejam:** hes, like, a criminal detective

 **slenderman:** I wasn’t aware there was a difference.

 **spacejam:** yeah well you may be an expert in vent crawling but im an expert in important things

 **spacejam:** important things like saihara

 **spacejam:** wait

 **✨angel✨:** (･o･)

 **naibsel:**...no homo, i assume…

 **rosemary:** Where’s the fun in that?

 **spacejam:** LOOK what i MEANT was that hes a detective but he isnt _that_ kind of detective

 **naibsel:** ...you just said that though...

 **spacejam:** AURGH ALRIGHT so theres that chick in the class above us whos the shsl detective too right? shes the kind of detective yall are talking about. like more of a private investigator type thatll do anything as long as shes paid for it

 **spacejam:** saihara only does official crimes with the police like murders and that kind of thing. he doesnt like to mess with the rest of it if he can help it

 **spacejam:** so like, theyre different and like

 **spacejam:** uh

 **spacejam:** yeah

 **K11-B0:** TH4T M4K3S A GR43T 4M0UNT 0F S3NS3! TH4NK Y0U F0R CL43R1NG TH4T UP F0R US M0M0T4-KUN!

 **spacejam:** i dont know what you just beep booped but i feel you were agreeing with me so thanks keebs

 **K11-B0:** Y0U’R3 W3LC0M3 M0M0T4-KUN!

 **rosemary:** You seem to know a _lot_ about Saihara’s talent, Momota

 **slenderman:** I noticed that as well.

 **spacejam:** UH WHAT

 **spacejam:** WWHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **spacejam:** CANT A GUY JUST KNOW A LOT ABOUT HIS CLOSE BUD WITHOUT EVERYONE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS ALL THE TIME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP

 **spacejam:** I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS ITS THE 21 CENTURY DUDES CAN BE FRIENDS WITH DUDES ALRIGHT STOP ASSUMING ALL THIS SHIT ABOUT US

 **✨angel✨:** (whiiisper) Kami-sama is telling angie that momota is being a little too defensive (whisper whisper)

 **spacejam:** JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY WHISPER DOESN'T MEAN I CANT READ IT

 **K11-B0:** WH4T W4S TH4T 4NGI3-S4N? 1 C0ULDN’T QU1T3 H34R

 **naibsel:** ...i mean...i ship it...

 **spacejam:** WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF

 **slenderman:** I believe we’ve gotten off track from the original topic again.

 **rosemary:** Yeah, apparent UTS for Saihara aside, I still want to know what Amami’s talent has to do with anything. Last I checked, you weren’t even good friends with Amami

 **spacejam:** so what? that doesnt mean i cant wonder what his talent is

 **spacejam:** its not like the shifty bastard has ever bothered to tell anyone about it

 **slenderman:** Amami-kun _does_ like to act quite mysterious.

 **spacejam:** right?? even THE SCHOOL uses ??? as his goddamn OFFICIAL TALENT

 **✨angel✨:** well maaaaaaaaybe amami has a talent that is so super secret that no one can know about!! :3 :3 :3 he could be the shsl spy or the shsl imposter or shsl identity thief!!

 **rosemary:** Uhm, aren’t those last two the same thing?

 **naibsel:** ...i don’t know...that second one seems more like an ironic reference to me...

 **rosemary:** A reference to what?

 **✨angel✨:** no no!

 **✨angel✨:** a shsl imposter would steal your identity like who you are _but_ shsl identity thieves are EVEN WORSE!!!! a shsl identity thief would steal your _credit card_ identity and put you in HUMONGOUS debt!!!

 **K11-B0:** 4M4M1-KUN 1S 4 CR1M1N4L??

 **K11-B0:** 0H N0! 4ND 4FT3R 4LL TH3 T1M3S 4K4M4TSU-S4N H4S W4RN3D M3 T0 ST4Y 4W4Y FR0M CR1M1N4LS 4ND 0UM4, 1’V3 F41L3D H3R!!

 **rosemary:** No, Kiibo, she isn’t saying that Amami _is_ a criminal. We’re just throwing out suggestions as to what his talent could be

 **K11-B0:** 0H! TH3N M1GHT 1 SUGG3ST S0M3TH1NG T0 D0 W1TH P41NT?

 **naibsel:** ...paint?...

 **spacejam:** is that what all those numbers and shit meant

 **K11-B0:** Y3S, P41NT! 4M4M1-KUN 1S V3RY SK1LL3D WH3N 1T C0M3S T0 TH1NGS SUCH 4S P41NT1NG N41LS! 1 KNOW TH4T 4K4M4TSU-S4N V1S1TS H1M 34CH W33K T0 H4V3 H3RS R3P41NT3D 4ND H4S B3GUN T0 BR1NG S41H4R4-KUN 4S W3LL!

 **K11-B0:** WH3N 1 SH0W3D 1NT3R3ST, 4M4M1-KUN 3V3N F0UND 4 W4Y T0 P41NT MY SYNTH3T1C SK1N T0 M1M1C N41LS! 1T W4S V3RY K1ND 0F H1M!!

 **K11-B0:** 4ND, N0W TH4T 1 TH1NK 4B0UT 1T, 1’M SUR3 TH4T 1 H4V3 S33N 0UM4-KUN’S N41LS P41NT3D S1M1L4R T0 0URS!

 **naibsel:** ...he does my nails too...

 **rosemary:** Whatever. It’s not like Amami’s even _that_ good, he just knows some neat tricks that confuse nail plebs

 **slenderman:** Careful, Shirogane-san, that almost sounded jealous.

 **rosemary:** I’d cosplay BLEACH before I admit that Amami’s good at nail art!!

 **✨angel✨:** !!!  >:3 >:3 well good at it or not, angie didn’t know that amami painted everyone’s nails!! she wants HER nails painted!!!!

 **spacejam:** but youre,, literally,,, one of the best artists on the planet,,

 **✨angel✨:** well duuuuh! but angie can only do what Kami-sama WANTS her to do and Kami-sama has never wanted angie to paint her own nails well!! just OTHER people’s!

 **slenderman:** Perhaps I could learn, Yonaga-san, and we could do one another’s on the nights we watch movies together.

 **slenderman:** I can’t promise such esteemed quality as what I’m sure your talent can create, but I would be honored if you allowed me to try.

 **✨angel✨:** angie LOVES that idea!! o(* >ω<*)o !!! she would do shinguuji’s nails anytime!!

 **naibsel:** ...that’s almost...cute...

 **naibsel:** ...glad that the authors chose to add their random otp...out of nowhere...

 **spacejam:** the what chose to what

 **K11-B0:** 1 MUST 4GR33 W1TH YUM3N0-S4N, 4CTU4LLY! WH4T 4 T0UCH1NG D1SPL4Y 0F FR13NDSH1P!!

 **rosemary:** Mmmm, just wait. I’ll make a shipper out of you yet, Kiibo

 **K11-B0:** 1 ST1LL D0 N0T KN0W WH4T TH4T 1S BUT 1 C4NN0T W41T!!

 **spacejam:** look i really dont think you understand how vicious akamatsu can get about keebs and gonta. like she gets violent shirogane really really _violent_

 **spacejam:** she is the momma bear and we are the idiots about to be mauled for wandering too close to her cubs

 **slenderman:** If you're so strongly against the idea that Amami-kun’s talent is nail related, what would you suggest Shirogane-san?

 **rosemary:** Hmm, that _is_ a good question

 **rosemary:** I think I’d go with SHSL Butler

 **naibsel:**...really?...

 **rosemary:** Well yeah! Remember at the cultural festival the school had where Toujou did a maid casino in conjunction with the SHSL Gambler? It was pretty cool twist on the maid cafe, and boy did I lose a _lot_ of money! But yeah, Amami was helping out with their booth for a while and I have to say, he sure did play the part of a butler to Toujou’s maid pretty well

 **naibsel:**...seems kinda weird to have a butler and a maid in the same class...

 **K11-B0:** 1 MUST 4GR33! 4CC0RD1NG T0 MY C4LCUL4T10NS TH3 ST4T1STIC4L PR0B4B1L1TY F0R SUCH 4 TH1NG T0 H4PP3N 1S V3RY SM4LL

 **K11-B0:** TH4T 4ND, WH3N H3 W1SH3S T0 B3, 4M4M1-KUN C4N B3 1NCR3D1BLY UNH3LPFUL

 **spacejam:** speaking of that booth did anyone else notice that ouma seemed to... _hover_ around their maid casino?? like,, the ENTIRE goddamn time??

 **spacejam:** because i could see them from my stand and it was kinda weird

 **spacejam:** i mean i get that amami was there and all but usually oumas particular brand of stalking is more aimed at saihara

 **K11-B0:** N0??? 1 W4S BUSY 4T MY B00TH W1TH 1RUM4-S4N TH0UGH

 **✨angel✨:** theory time!!! :3

 **✨angel✨:** ouma’s silly little gang of world dominators is called D.I.C.E., rightyo??? and no one knows what they REALLY do??

 **✨angel✨:** weeeeeell, angie thinks that maybe, since dice are used in lotsa lotsa gambling stuff, the SHSL Gambler works for him!! and it her was her booth too, so that’s why ouma was there!! pretty smart theory, right?

 **slenderman:** That theory is...doubtful.

 **✨angel✨:** h u h ? ? ? 【・ヘ・?】

 **slenderman:** Let us just say that I have noticed the same things Momota-san has and my research into the topic has lead me down some paths that are, dare I say, outright creepy.

 **slenderman:** Allow me to insist that none of you would want to know even if I felt safe enough to properly put it into words.

 **naibsel:** ...wait...you find something creepy?... _you_ …

 **naibsel:** ...then i never want to know...if even _shinguuji_ finds it creepy...

 **spacejam:** i second that PLS dont tell me if YOU find it weird

 **spacejam:** there is a bar for creepiness and youre at the goddamn top dude

 **spacejam:** anything higher i dont want to know

 **✨angel✨:** >:3

 **spacejam:** you guys may be movie buds but even you cant deny the truth angie

 **slenderman:** Like I said, I would prefer not to talk about it.

 **✨angel✨:** hmmmm??? ooooh wait, does it have to do with the thing you locked in your closet and asked angie to paint all those protective symbols over the doors for????

 **✨angel✨:** what was it called again ?? (ʃ⌣́,⌣́ƪ)

 **slenderman:** Please Yonaga-san, do not speak it’s name! That only gives it more power!

 **✨angel✨:** OH NO!!! angie can’t do that! if its super duper booper scary then angie will zip her mouth shut and never speak again!!!

 **rosemary:** What is this thing, Voldemort??? Also, why your closet…?

 **spacejam:** HA! now whos the one in the closet!!

 **naibsel:**...actually...the mystery thing is what’s in the closet...not shinguuji...

 **naibsel:**...and the fact that you just said that...means you’re saying you were in the closet...or still are…

 **spacejam:** SHUT UP I THOUGHT WE LEFT THAT BEHIND

 **naibsel:**...yet here you are...bringing it up again...

 **spacejam:** ANYWAY im gonna say amamis a shsl chameleon lets talk about that again

 **rosemary:** Somehow you just said something even weirder than whatever creepy Ouma-related thing Shinguuji has trapped in his closet and that’s admittedly impressive

 **naibsel:**...i think if i turned amami into an animal with magic he might be chameleon…

 **naibsel:**...since he is green...

 **spacejam:** right????

 **naibsel:**...but he could also turn into a green tiger...

 **rosemary:** You do have a thing for tigers though, Yumeno. That might be your tiger bias more than anything

 **slenderman:** What sense is there in suggesting his talent is to be an animal?

 **slenderman:** And Yonaga-san, you do not need to keep holding your breath and stop texting in a vow of silence. I don’t believe you have summoned it, so we should be safe.

 **rosemary:** Summoned??? Are you absolutely _sure_ you don’t have Voldemort in your closet?

 **K11-B0:** WH0 1S V0LD3M0RT? 1S H3 S4F3 T0 L00K UP 0N TH3 1NT3RN3T B3C34S3 M0ST 0F TH1NGS Y0U GUYS M3NT10N L34D M3 T0 B4D S1T3S

 **✨angel✨:** (huAAAAAAAAAA!!!)

 **✨angel✨:** ((**that was angie taking in a deep breath :3))

 **✨angel✨:** angie is okay now!! <3

 **naibsel:**...i don’t normally speak idiot…

 **spacejam:** i think you mean me here so let me just say that im offended

 **naibsel:**...but i think momota means...that amami is a chameleon...as in he can do everything…

 **K11-B0:** TH4T 1S PHYS1C4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3 F0R 4 HUM4N. 4ND 4LS0 4L34DY T0UJ0U-S4N’S SK1LL S3T

 **spacejam:** okay but that festival??? amami didnt _just_ help out over at the maid casino

 **spacejam:** he also helped set up the equipment for the live show that the shsl idol and the shsl musician and akamatsu threw, AND helped gonta and that breeder dude with their live feeding demonstrations at their petting zoo, AND was the announcer _AND_ main male model for at the art and clothing auction that shirogane, angie, and that shsl model a year above threw at the SAME TIME

 **spacejam:** like??? wtf???

 **rosemary:** He did look oddly attractive in that gorilla suit at Gonta’s demonstration. I would say it made me question myself a little, but if we're honest I don't think I have anything left to question

 **✨angel✨:** he also treated angie’s work with the utmost care <3!! angie was very proud!!

 **spacejam:** he can literally do ANYTHING

 **spacejam:** and because of whatever bullshit lets him do that hes a chameleon. a shsl chameleon!

 **spacejam:** case closed!

 **K11-B0:** 1 4M ST1LL STRUGGL1NG T0 UND3RSTAND H0W 4 P3RS0N C4N B3 4N 4N1M4L

 **K11-B0:** 1 M43N 1 G3T TH4T HUM4NS 4R3 4N1M4LS 0F 4 K1ND BUT TH3Y C4N 4LS0 B3 0TH3R 4N1M4LS??? TH1S 1S V3RY C0NFUS1NG

 **spacejam:** see kiibo agrees with me!

 **K11-B0:** TH4T 1S N0T WH4T 1 S41D 4T 4LL

 **spacejam:** keep beeping your little metal heart out in my defense keebler, i appreciate every boop

 **K11-B0:** H3 R34LLY C4NN0T UND3RST4ND M3, C4N H3?

 **✨angel✨:** nope! :3

 **rosemary:** I mean, I hate to say that Momota has a point, but... It's actually a _pretty_ solid theory...

 **rosemary:** For Momota, I guess

 **rosemary:** I doubt the school would call him a chameleon, though

 **slenderman:** I must agree with Shirogane-san on that. If Amami-kun’s talent was in regards to being talented at multiple things, I would think something closer to 'Super High School Jack of All Trades’ would be used.

 **naibsel:** ...wordy...

 **✨angel✨:** well angie still thinks that amami has a suuuuper cool and suuuuper secret talent!! why else would the school have to keep it a top super secret mystery if it wasn't SUPER SECRET

 **✨angel✨:** like a NINJA! (๑و•̀ω•́)و HIYYA HIYAA!!!

 **K11-B0:** 4 N1NJ4!?

 **✨angel✨:** or an IMPOSTER!!

 **K11-B0:** 4N 1MP0ST3R?!??

 **rosemary:** You're really insistent on that imposter idea, aren't you?

 **✨angel✨:** well Kami-sama has told angie that there's an imposter at this school but he won't tell her WHO!!  >:3c bc of that she just has to guess!

 **naibsel:** ...what about good luck...

 **spacejam:** i thought our class didnt have one of those

 **naibsel:** ...and you don't think that's weird...at all...

 **✨angel✨:** Kami-sama agrees that it IS a little weird!! but he doesnt think its a big deal so angie doesnt worry about it!!

 **rosemary:** I don't know, I guess I never considered it because Amami just doesn't seem, y’know, _lucky_. He’s lost to Momota in a game of poker before and there's nothing less lucky then that!

 **rosemary:** In fact, I’m pretty sure luck is one thing Amami is noticeably _bad_ with

 **spacejam:** hey im GREAT at poker!!

 **naibsel:**...and i thought ouma was the liar...

 **slenderman:** Still, it is strange that all 78 classes before us had a lucky student, though we do not. I wonder why that is.

 **✨angel✨:** oohh OOH!!! call angie CALL ANGIE!!

 **K11-B0:** D0 Y0U KN0W, 4NG13-S4N?

 **✨angel✨:** YESS!!! well yes but no :33

 **✨angel✨:** Kami-sama said that there are no more lucky students bc the last two have been REALLY BAD!! one of them even hurt a crane once and Kami-sama LOVES cranes!

 **K11-B0:** H0W T3RR1BL3!

 **✨angel✨:** right??

 **spacejam:** what does that have to do with lucky students tho

 **rosemary:** It makes sense to me. If Hope's Peak kept getting bad students through their general lottery, then it would make the most sense to stop the lottery altogether

 **spacejam:** eh

 **K11-B0:** 1 TH1NK 1T S0UNDS QU1T3 R3RSON4BLE!

 **naibsel:**...i guess...

 **naibsel:** ...if he isn't good luck...then maybe he’s the...shsl bad luck...

 **rosemary:** How would that even be a talent? I mean, I doubt that ‘bad luck’ is something Hope’s Peak could really measure

 **spacejam:** says the cosplayer

 **rosemary:** Says the _astronaut_ who hasn’t passed basic admissions into the space program yet to the _cosplayer_ with a net worth of almost one million yen from her corporate endorsements and private self-started business!

 **naibsel:** ...i think you might want to get some ice momota...

 **spacejam:** I KNOW I KNOW FOR THE BURN

 **naibsel:**...for that severe

 **naibsel:** ...oh...

 **K11-B0:** W41T! 1S M0M0T4-KUN G01NG T0 B3 4LR1GHT?! H0W S3V3R3 1S H1S BURN?! D03S H3 N33D M3D1C4L 4SS1ST4NC3?!

 **rosemary:** Wow, I can see why Akamatsu is so protective of Kiibo and Gonta if they’re _both_ that naive. _I_ almost want to coddle him!

 **✨angel✨:** angie thinks it’s cute!

 **slenderman:** Well, I hate to interrupt in the middle of such an important conversation topic, especially since we’ve yet to find the answer to our initial question.

 **slenderman** : But Yonaga-san and I’s movie has just finished playing through all the credits and, as it’s a mere hour before sunrise, I believe we should both get some sleep.

 **naibsel:**...together?...

 **spacejam:** DEAR FUCK YUMENO

 **spacejam:** SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SO INTERESTED IN EVERYONES SEX LIVES

 **rosemary:** Hmmm, maybe I should turn my efforts to Yumeno instead of Kiibo...

 **spacejam:** if you did that then its even more guaranteed that chabashira would kick your ass

 **K11-B0:** HUH?! W3R3 M0V13S R1GHT 4LL 4LONG??

 **slenderman:** No. There would hardly be enough room for that on these beds for such activities even if you were right.

 **slenderman:** Which you are not.

 **✨angel✨:** plus angie’s stuffed animals get priority!! even over angie <3 <3 <3!

 **slenderman:** Considering how many you have, I can see why.

 **slenderman:** But you have been yawning quite a lot Yonaga-san, and I fear what will happen in the case that none of us sleep at all tonight. Momota-san, I hope whatever worry it was that prompted you to start this rambling conversation has been put to the back of your mind. I also hope that you'll be able to rest and, in turn, allow the rest of us to do so as well.

 **slenderman:** One can hardly do useful research when they’re too exhausted to stay properly hidden from their subjects.

 **naibsel:**...just when you start to sound responsible...you get all creepy again…

 **spacejam:** NOTHING IS WORRYING ME I AM THE MOST FINE OF ANYONE EVER

 **✨angel✨:** don’t worry momota, someone who actually cares will always be available to listen to your problems!! <3

 **✨angel✨:** like Kami-sama, for example! he’s always taking new converts!!

 **spacejam:** i prefer to worship our capitalist overlords but thanks

 **✨angel✨:** your loss!!! enjoy hell you filthy sinner!! >:3c

 **spacejam:** WTF ANGIE

 

 **_✨angel✨_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **slenderman:** Sleep well, everyone.

 **spacejam:** night

 

 **_slenderman_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **naibsel:**...i still kinda want to know about what’s in shinguuji’s closet…

 **rosemary:** Oh jeez, Shinguuji was right! Momota really did keep all of us up with his stupid question to distract him from whatever it was that obviously bothered him enough that he couldn't sleep

 **spacejam:** you know im starting to feel like ouma here and it isnt fun

 **K11-B0:** S0 Y0U 4DM1T S0M3TH1NG W4S B0TH3R1NG Y0U, M0M0T4-KUN?

 **spacejam:** like kiibo said, lay off guys

 **K11-B0:** 1’M ST4RT1NG T0 F33L TH1S 1S WH4T T0UJ0U-S4N D3SCR1B3S 4S 4 “L0ST C4US3”

 **naibsel:**...he should at least have been able to see...that you ended in a ?...

 **K11-B0:** 0N3 W0ULD TH1NK S0

 **rosemary:** Yeah, but thinking that would be giving Momota a _lot_ more credit than he deserves

 **spacejam:** alright you know what

 **spacejam:** i wont put up this abuse ive got some important shit to do so yall can take your sass somewhere else

 **K11-B0:** WH4T C0ULD Y0U H4V3 T0 D0 TH1S 34RLY 1N TH3 D4Y? 3SP3C14LLY W1TH N0 SL33P!

 **K11-B0:** 1’M N0T SUR3 TH4T 1S H34LTHY M0M0T4-KUN!

 **spacejam:** _THANK YOU_ KEEBS! its nice to know SOMEONES on my side!!

 **K11-B0:** 1

 **K11-B0:** 0K4Y

 

 **_spacejam_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **rosemary:** Well, at least he feels better now!

 **rosemary:** Or something like that

 **naibsel:**...eh...i’m sure what’s bothering him won’t come back at all...

 **naibsel:**...that’s not how these things work…not normally...

 **rosemary:** “These things”?

 **naibsel:** ...yeah like...plot setup…

 **naibsel:**...there seems to be a lot of them recently...wonder what’s going on...

 **rosemary:** ??? What's that supposed to mean?

 

 **_naibsel_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **rosemary:** Okay then...

 **K11-B0:** 1 4M CURR3NTLY L00K1NG UP “CR33PY TH1NGS Y0U H1D3 1N CL0S3TS” 4ND W1LL R3P0RT B4CK W1TH 4 L1ST 0F P0SS1B1L1T13S F0R WH4T SH1NGUUJ1-KUN H4S H1DD3N 4S S00N 4S 1 C4N!

 **rosemary:** KIIBO WAIT

 **K11-B0:** …………

 **K11-B0:** UM

 **K11-B0:** 1 D0N’T

 **K11-B0:** UM

 **rosemary:** Yeah, uh, so for the record this wasn't my fault. At all

 **rosemary:** I'm just going to...

 

 **_rosemary_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **K11-B0:** UM

 

 

* * *

 

 **Maid to Serve:** Good afternoon everyone, I hope you’ve all had an enjoyable and productive start to the weekend thus far.

 **Baethoven:** Thank you, Toujou-san! The same goes for yourself!

 **Baethoven:** Oh! Before I forget, I noticed that the music room looked sparkling clean this morning. I know some of the other music based Super High School Levels can be a bit, well, _messy_ at times, and I certainly can’t clean that well. So thank you Toujou-san, I definitely appreciate it!

 **Maid to Serve:** It was no problem, Akamatsu-san, but consider yourself welcome.

 **Wine Aunt** **™:** YO this pow-wow between mom#1 and mom#2 is all cute and all but are we all just going to ignore the huge spam from last night??

 **Wine Aunt** **™:** because im reading through it and HO BOI this shit is hilarious

 **panic!everyday:** what spa

 **panic!everyday:** oh

 **femmefatal:** no Tenko saw it

 **femmefatal:** she just saw Amamis name enough to know that she didnt care

 **AMarySue:** really feelin the love here Chabashira

 **femmefatal:** you shouldnt because there wasnt any

 **Baethoven:** What the heck was everyone up so late for? Is that something about...a gorilla suit? I see Homestuck, what did you guys drag poor Kiibo into?

 **dabs ex machina:** hopefully no good

 **dabs ex machina:** if id had say in it hed already have a reddit account and fnaf lets play channel but nooo,, we cant have nice things can we???

 **panic!everyday:** you are the entire reason we can't

 **dabs ex machina:** why you gotta do me like that babe

 **dabs ex machina:** especially when you can do me in other ways ;)

 **AMarySue:** ;)))))))))

 **dabs ex machina:** ;))))))))))))))

 **panic!everyday:** (*ಠ_ಠ) please no

 **Wine Aunt** **™:** LETS GET FUCKIN NAUGHTY

 **panic!everyday:** guys its literally 2 in the afternoon can we at least wait ten minutes before we get into the inevitable innuendo part of the conversation

 **Baethoven:** I agree. I’m trying to read this mess from last night but...closets?

 **✨angel✨:** angie can explain!! :3 :3 :3 Kami-sama has gifted her with a perfect memory, so leave it to her!!

 **✨angel✨:** let’s see,, (ʃ⌣́,⌣́ƪ) oh yeah!! momota couldn’t pray to Kami-sama about his problems like a NORMAL PERSON so he decided have us all play pin the tail on the amami’s talent!

 **slenderman:** With questionable results.

 **✨angel✨:** angie definitely got a bullseye tho!! :3

 **dabs ex machina:** i dont even need to read that mess to know thats a lie

 **✨angel✨:** >:3

 **dabs ex machina:** besides i bet i already know amami-chans talent

 **dabs ex machina:** shsl boyfriend material

 **Gonta:** Yes! Gonta is sure that Amami-kun is made of the best material for boyfriends!

 **AMarySue:** aw guys im touched

 **panic!everyday:** did no one think to just ask him

 **Maid to Serve:** I would assume that's because Amami-kun was asleep like the rest of us. Although, his insistent secrecy on the subject may also be a contributing factor.

 **AMarySue:** oh no i was awake the whole time

 **naibsel:** ...you were...awake...

 **naibsel:** ...and never said anything...

 **slenderman:** I apologize if our theorizing has insulted you in some way, Amami-kun.

 **AMarySue:** are you kidding that entire conversation was HILARIOUS

 **AMarySue:** i legit thought i was going to break rib from laughing so much

 **AMarySue:** shsl chameleon i mean _holy shit_

 **panic!everyday:** the shsl what

 **Gonta:** That makes so much sense!!

 **Gonta:** A lot of Gonta's crickets and wax worms have disappeared since he came to Hope's Peak, and though he knew some of it was for Tanaka-kun’s animals it was too much for it just to be him!!

 **Baethoven:** _Tanaka_? Who's Tanaka?

 **Baethoven:** Gonta, sweetheart, I _know_ we've talked about what to do when it comes to strangers. Toujou-san and I gave you a homemade pamphlet with pictures and everything

 **Gonta:** No worries Akamatsu-san, Gonta checked over his pamphlet and Tanaka-kun only matched with two requirements of “Dangerous Stranger” and none under the “Too Much Like Ouma for Comfort” category, so Gonta is sure that he's safe to befriend!

 **dabs ex machina:** um _excuse you_ akamatsu im great for gonta!

 **Baethoven:** No

 **Gonta:** Now Amami-kun, it would've been much more polite to ask first, but Gonta promises that he will make sure that you have enough food!

 **AMarySue:** food uh

 **AMarySue:** right

 **AMarySue:** thanks Gonta

 **Gonta:** You are very welcome!

 **Maid to Serve:** I must admit, I'm glad that we’ve managed to have ourselves a somewhat normal conversation at a regular time of day for once.

 **Maid to Serve:** Discussions at 4AM are hardly appropriate, after all. I would hope that in the future those wish to have them would be so kind as to have them in a private chat — _especially_ if they wish to gossip about another who isn't present to defend themselves.

 **slenderman:** As I said before it was not our intention to insult, merely theorize, so I hope you did not take it wrong way Amami-kun.

 **naibsel:** ...sorry...

 **AMarySue:** and like _i_ said, its no big deal

 **AMarySue:** i just found it really funny to watch you all try and guess

 **✨angel✨:** well don’t think you’re safe from angie, amami!

 **✨angel✨:** ...she _knows_...she knows you're a ninja spy imposter  >:3 >:3 >:3......

 **panic!everyday:** who would want to pretend to be Amami-kun though?

 **panic!everyday:** no offense

 

 **_Just (Stop)_ ** _has come online._

 

 **Just (Stop):** I think what she means is that Amami is pretending to be someone who he’s not.

 **dabs ex machina: @Just (Stop)** G R E A T GOB LIN K I N G

 **dabs ex machina:** like holy shit hoshi is hERE

 **naibsel:**...we noticed…

 **Baethoven:** Oh wow, it’s good to see you in getting involved with your friends Hoshi-kun! What brings you to the chat today of all days?

 **Maid to Serve:** Well, considering that it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon rather than 4 am or the middle of class, right now is much more opportune time for Hoshi-san to join in on the conversation without having to sacrifice sleep or grades.

 **Just (Stop):** I’m not failing school for your goddamn memes.

 **dabs ex machina:** :((((

 **dabs ex machina:** i just wanna meme w/ the chat cryptid

 **Maid to Serve:** I will agree that it’s good to see you getting involved Hoshi-kun. I assume this is because you’re done with your post-tennis practice cooldown?

 **Just (Stop):** Yeah basically.

 **Just (Stop):** The conversation didn’t seem to be going anywhere too overwhelmingly horrible or outrageously stupid so I decided I might as well since I have some free time.

 **dabs ex machina:** i can fix that

 **Just (Stop):** I know you can. Don’t.

 **panic!everyday:** oh, so you actually read these things but you don’t join in because someone’s always being an idiot?

 **Just (Stop):** Pretty much.

 **panic!everyday:** i honestly can’t say you’re making the wrong decision here

 **AMarySue:** uh hold up

 **AMarySue:** we just gonna,, ignore the fact that Toujou knew _exactly_ where Hoshi was?? like,,, just ignore that,,

 **naibsel:** ...it didn't seem too important to the overall plot...so...yeah...

 **✨angel✨:** mmmmhm, angie _guesses_ that the spy ninja imposter has a point

 **panic!everyday:** maybe Hoshi-kun just gave Toujou-san his schedule

 **Just (Stop):** I didn’t.

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:** um

 **Maid to Serve:** As a maid it is my responsibility to know all of your official schedules by heart, among those of you that have them, so that I can better help you in potential times of need. Those without them had a rough weekly schedule mapped out by Shinguuji-kun at my request during our first month of classes.

 **slenderman:** Indeed. None of you even noticed.

 **femmefatal:** K KIRUMI-CHAN??? why would you send the creepy twig man to follow Tenkos defenseless harem members without telling her first!!

 **femmefatal:** WHAT IF HE HAD DONE SOMETHING CREEPY TO THEM AND TENKO WASN'T THERE TO SNAP HIM IN HALF

 **panic!everyday:** please tell me that was one of those rare jokes you two like to make

 **Maid to Serve:** Of course not.

 **Maid to Serve:** Also, speaking of your schedules, you have a medical appointment scheduled for tonight at 5:30PM, Amami-kun. Please remember to get there on time, as you have a tendency to be late to things. I would hate for you to have to reschedule.

 **AMarySue:** um im sorry what

 **naibsel:**...creepy…

 **✨angel✨:** angie definitely agrees but the bigger concern here is whether this is an appointment with a doctor or a pharmacist

 **naibsel:** ...a pharmacist?...

 **Wine Aunt** **™:** HOOOOO MY HOME GURL ANGIE BUSTING IN HARD WITH THE STONER JOKES

 **dabs ex machina:** have you ever looked at amami

 **dabs ex machina:** like,, _really_ looked at him

 **dabs ex machina:** he is literally green

 **AMarySue:** i would be offended but im looking at my closet rn and over half of the stuff in here is a shade of green so

 **Baethoven:** Hold on, I thought Amami-kun’s hair was dyed that color

 **panic!everyday:** oh no his eyebrows match the roots too well for it to be a dye job. if it _was_ dye and he wanted his eyebrows to match then he would have to dye those too

 **panic!everyday:** eyebrows are easier to darken but a _lot_ harder to match with lighter shades like blonde or, in Amami-kun’s case, blondish green without them looking fake

 **slenderman:** I can’t help but be curious as to why you would know so much on the art of hair dye, Saihara-kun.

 **Wine Aunt™:** YEAH SHYHARA WONDER WHATS UP WITH THAT RIGHT

 **panic!everyday:** a

 **panic!everyday:** anyway

 **panic!everyday:** what were you about to say Amami-kun

 **✨angel✨:** wow!! a total diversion!!!

 **AMarySue:** give the man a prize, it’s 100% natural

 **AMarySue:** you see the truth is…

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:**...my talent...

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:**...is…

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:**...the…

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:**...SHSL Hairdresser

 **panic!everyday:** were all of those spaces and periods really necessary

**AMarySue:**

**AMarySue:** ...yes......

 **femmefatal:** STOP IT! its only cute when Himiko-chan uses those!!!

 **naibsel:** ...yeah...

 **naibsel:** ...stop stealing my typing quirk...

 **Baethoven:** Uhm, Yumeno-san, you _do_ realize that you don’t need to add the periods each time you text something, right?

 **naibsel:** ...well yeah but...the authors were stupid...and gave me this in the first chapter...so now i have to keep doing it...

 **panic!everyday:** authors??

 **AMarySue:** i cant believe this

 **AMarySue:** ive been pestered for _weeks_ about my talent and when i finally reveal it no one cares?? wtf you guys

 **dabs ex machina:** well i care about your totally fake talent amami-chan

 **femmefatal:** Tenko thinks he meant someone who matters

 **dabs ex machina:** hush little lesbian the real gays are talking

 **femmefatal:** BITCH YOU WANNA GO

 **AMarySue:** guys for real im like totes the shsl hairdresser i have a backstory and everything

 **✨angel✨:** angie thinks that’s a load of bullshit but go on

 **AMarySue:** i will thanks

 **Gonta:** Please do! Gonta loves story time!

 **AMarySue:** so. once upon a time when i was a young lad my poor poor parents took me out hiking

 **AMarySue:** as you do

 **panic!everyday:** why do i have a bad feeling about where this story is going

 **AMarySue:** and while out in the woods we ran into a creepy old witch and she was like ,,your boy, he is the prettiest child with the prettiest hair that i have seen. i am wrought with jealousy!!!,,

 **AMarySue:** ,,i must have you all to myself,,

 **AMarySue:** which basically means she just wanted me for my body

 **AMarySue:** or more specifically, my hair

 **panic!everyday:** i hate being proven right

 **Baethoven:** This feels _very_ close to falling into inappropriate territory that I don’t want Gonta to be exposed to

 **Gonta:** Gonta appreciates the concern Akamatsu-san!!

 **Baethoven:** Do you see that? That open-hearted innocence? That innate trust?

 **Baethoven:** If you corrupt that precious ray of sunshine I swear I will _kill you_ Amami-kun

 **dabs ex machina:** WOAH WOAH WOAH THAT WENT 0 TO 60 REAL FAST

 **✨angel✨:** zoom zoom!!!

 **Wine Aunt™:** **@Baethoven** bruh

 **Baethoven:** Do you think I’m joking

 **AMarySue:** haha uhh

 **AMarySue:** no worries girl this storys rated PG for ‘Passable for Gonta’

 **Baethoven:** Good

 **Baethoven:** Also, Kiibo, honey, where are you? Are you on the chat right now? You’ve been awfully quiet

 **Maid to Serve:** According to his schedule Kiibo is currently undergoing maintenance with the help of the SHSL Programmer to get his text program fixed today and will be unable to use his chat app until after this weekend. Funnily enough, it usually takes him longer to set up surprise maintenance checks, but I suppose he was eager to get his texting fixed and rejoin the conversation properly.

 **Baethoven:** Oh good, just checking

 **naibsel:**...okay but...are we all sure this witch didn’t mean ugliest…

 **AMarySue:** bish im beautiful

 **dabs ex machina:** #feminism

 **femmefatal:** you better rethink that message real fast

 **dabs ex machina:** #mencanbebeautiful2 #notallmen #menism #feminism #equalism

 **femmefatal:** more like #Tenkoisabouttokickyourbuttism

 **dabs ex machina:** a little wordy but maybe we can get an acronym

 **AMarySue:** ANYWAY

 **AMarySue:** BACK TO STORY TIME

 **Just (Stop):** Go on.

 **AMarySue:** thank you great goblin

 **AMarySue:** so this witch was hella jealous of my luscious child locks and was like ,,how dare you torture me with this perfection!!! i must make him ugly!!!,, so she turned my hair all dark and oily and gross

 **naibsel** **:**...sounds like she just turned you into ouma...

 **dabs ex machina:** i,,,am so hurt right now yumeno,,,,how could you,,,,,

 **AMarySue:** yeah that’s about right

 **dabs ex machina:** ( •̀ o •́ )!!!!!!

 **dabs ex machina:** IS THIS WHAT BETRAYAL FEELS LIKE?? BC IT HURTS AMAMI-CHAN IT HURTS A _LOT_

 **dabs ex machina:** i supported you amami-chan. i trusted you. you were my fav out of the harem and my harem has saihara-chan in it

 **panic!everyday:** please don’t bring me into this

 **panic!everyday:** and stop saying i’m in your harem

 **Baethoven:** Yeah back the fuck off bitch

 **Wine Aunt™:** FHRJSEKLGHRE

 **Wine Aunt™:** GET M U THA FUC KIN REKT S O N

 **✨angel✨:** akamatsu is being very aggressive today and angie would just like to say that she is loving it

 **slenderman:** It is a rather curious change from how she's previously acted.

 **AMarySue:** guys you can’t complain that i wont tell you my talent and then NOT LISTEN TO MY TRAGIC TALENT BACKSTORY

 **dabs ex machina:** WELL I WAS UNTIL YOU STABBED ME IN THE BACK LIKE A COWARD

 **AMarySue:** EVEN I CAN’T FIGHT THE TRUTH BABE

 **dabs ex machina:** THE HAREM IS ONE!!! YOU DONT BETRAY HAREM AMAMI-CHAN

 **femmefatal:** Tenko fails to see how your weak ass harem is worth staying in

 **Wine Aunt™:** GHJLFTJKFDSLBJKLFB

 **✨angel✨:** ^^^^^!!!!

 **naibsel:** ...^^^...

 **AMarySue:** ANYWAY,,,

 **dabs ex machina:** :`(((((((((

 **AMarySue:** ANYWAY. so my poor, poor parents were super upset and everything, b/c now i looked like ouma. and so they decided i needed to be with my kind and left me at a hippie colony

 **Just (Stop):** I’m tempted to ask why having hair like Ouma would make you a hippie but I’ll let you finish.

 **AMarySue:** and while i was there i was adopted by this nice family of heroin addicts who all hated each other except when they were trippin balls

 **Gonta:** Um!!!

 **Gonta:** Please excuse Gonta for being naive!!! But what is heroin?

 **femmefatal:** um

 **panic!everyday:** um

 **slenderman:** Um.

 **Maid to Serve:** I would like to make it clear how unhappy I am that I just had to see Gokuhara-san ask someone that question.

 **Gonta:** Oh no, was that a bad question? If so then Gonta is sorry for causing you distress Toujou-san!

 **Maid to Serve:** Trust me Gokuhara-san, you are not the problem.

 **Baethoven:** Oh Gonta sweetie no, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong ever! Don’t even worry about it. Amami-kun just fucked up big time is all. You’re perfect!

 **AMarySue:** um

 **Baethoven:** _Amami-kun_

 **Wine Aunt™:** OH SHIT its about to go down like a whore on a middle aged divorcee FFUCKIN GET!!!!

 **Baethoven: @AMarySue @Wine Aunt™** Did you think I was being funny when I threatened to end anyone who taints Gonta? Hmm??? Because I am not laughing

 **Wine Aunt™:** cmon tittymatsu i was just telling it how it is grow a sense of humor

**Baethoven:**

**Baethoven:**

**Baethoven:** Hey Toujou-san, where is Iruma-san right now according to her schedule?

 **Maid to Serve:** Give me just a moment Akamatsu-san and I shall find it for you.

 **Wine Aunt™:** nice try but im fuckin unpredictable theres no way she knows where i am

 **Maid to Serve:** It seems that this is the time of day that Iruma-san lurks around the sports complex in hopes of seeing someone naked.

 **Wine Aunt™:** WHAT THE FCUK HOW DID YOU

 **Wine Aunt™:** RIGHT ILL BE QUIET NOW PLS DONT HURT ME

 **dabs ex machina:** see, amami-chan, if you were a LOYAL harem member, MAYBE id help defend you from akamatsu rn. but nope. you dont want my love so no support for you

 **AMarySue:** um

 **AMarySue:** OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS MY AUTOCORRECT JUST DID THE _WEIRDEST_ THING YOU GUYS!!!!! HAHAH WHOOPS!!!!

 **AMarySue:** i meant!!! i was adopted by this nice family of stoners!!! basic, totally vanilla and not at all dangerous or unstable stoners!!!

 **Gonta:** Oh, well good thing it was fixed! They sound like nice people, Gonta hopes you were very happy with them!

 **Baethoven:** Good boy Amami-kun

 **dabs ex machina:** kinky

 

 **_Just (Stop)_ ** _blocked_ **_dabs ex machina_ ** _from the chat._

 

 **Just (Stop):** There. Go on Amami.

 **Baethoven:** Thank you Hoshi-san

 **Baethoven:** We’re waiting

 **naibsel:** ...this is scarier than i expected...

 **naibsel:** ...and it isn't even the story that's scary…

 **Gonta:** Gonta doesn’t see what you mean, he’s having a great time listening to Amami-kun’s story.

 **AMarySue:** right i won’t mince words so like these SUPER VANILLA, SO, SO VANILLA stoners were all hippies and they had super long tangled hair, as hippies do

 **AMarySue:** and they taught me how to tame my cursed locks through the power of weed-fueled hair cutting sessions and so yeah basically i smoked so much weed my curse was broken and the result turned my hair green and now it just grows this way

 **AMarySue:** but i came out of it knowing how to cut and style the most tangled hair in the world and hopes peak gave me my title of SHSL Hairdresser

 **AMarySue:** so yeah the end bye guys see you never

 

 **_AMarySue_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **✨angel✨:** but

 **✨angel✨:** but amami never answered angie’s question!!! is it a PHARMACIST?????? or a DOCTOR??????

 **✨angel✨:** which is he going to see tonight??? angie needs to know!

 **slenderman:** If you would like I could follow him and find out for you, Yonaga-san.

 **✨angel✨:** :3 :3 :3

 **panic!everyday:** as much as know i’m going to regret asking this just why do you need to know so badly Yonaga-san? what’s so important about Amami-kun’s

 **panic!everyday:** um

 **panic!everyday:** medical needs

 **panic!everyday:** that you feel the need to have him professionally followed?

 **✨angel✨:** none of your business >:3c

 **✨angel✨:** that’s b/tw Kami-sama and angie!!

 **Baethoven:** Now Angie, there’s no need to be mean to Saihara-kun, it was just a simple question. And we’re all friends here, so there’s no shame in telling us! We’re all here to support each other!! <3

 **✨angel✨:** I _SAID_ THAT’S B/TW _KAMI-SAMA_ AND _ANGIE_ WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS _UNCLEAR_

 **femmefatal:** aaaaaah!!!!!

 **Wine Aunt™:** well now shit you didn’t have to fucking shout

 **slenderman:** I believe the lady has spoken.

 **Baethoven:** Right, right! Sorry Angie!

 **✨angel✨:** >:3  >:3  >:3

 **Baethoven:** Anyways…

 **Baethoven:** Hoshi-san! Are you having a good time chatting with everyone? And do you maybe want a more uplifting username? Angie’s very good at coming up with usernames for people, maybe she can have her God inspire her to make you one!! We’re all friends here, after all!!!

 

 **_✨angel✨_ ** _has gone offline._

 

 **Baethoven:** Um

 **Just (Stop):** I think I’m good, thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> Why can Yumeno see through the 4th wall? Magic. The answer is magic.  
> —Illmerica
> 
> Cutthroat: *is an actual anthropologist*  
> Shinguuji: I don't have the patience to explain anthropology to you  
> Illmerica: binch you are literally fully qualified to have him explain anthropology  
> Cutthroat: no im not
> 
> Someday, I will rant about how Shinguuji doesn't do ethnographic research, one of the cornerstones of real life anthropological research, properly or even close to correct AT ALL, but today is not that day.  
> ~Cutthroat


End file.
